If I wrote this six days ago, it would have been a rant about how Access Bank is moving mad with me.
This is officially no longer a rant because God has given his baby girl victory over foolish people.
So I have a dorm account with these guys and in September 2018, I requested for a card which I was rightly debited for. I waited to get a text to pick the card but none came. In January, I was debited a whole $20 for account maintenance for a card I still had not gotten .First of all ,that debit alert gave me chest pain because how much do I even have there to start with, then to take that without actually giving me the card, I was livid.
I should have chased it then but somehow I kept forgetting, fast forward to March I went to the branch where I requested and the lady in charge said and I quote:
“Ma, honestly I don’t know where your card is”.
It was at this moment it dawned on me that these people chop witchcraft for brunch. I still did not react, the lady promised to contact me once she locates my card and I believed her. She never did.*insert mumu meme here*
Fast forward to last week, I decided I have had enough and contacted them via Twitter. (click tweet below for full conversation)
Hello @accessbank_help , I was told by your IG account you can help. I was debited 20usd since January for a card that I am still yet to receive. I went to the branch I applied from and the lady told me sha doesn’t know where the card is ,how is this even possible??
— Akangbe Oluwafemi (@oluwafemiyeye) May 6, 2019
Access Bank twitter handlers are the absolute worst .No other handler can be as incompetent as them, not even the WakaNow handler that solicited trouble without cause and we all know how that ended . But in case you don’t know, see it below.
Never start a Twitter fight you can’t finish. pic.twitter.com/GllNAMwfbT
— Victor Asemota (@asemota) May 3, 2019
I was dancing in church on Sunday when I remembered that these guys were messing with me and I became agitated and angered. This thing happens to me a lot by the way, I will be somewhere doing something fun and my mind suddenly hits me with something I should be actively worrying about as opposed to having a nice time. I hate loose ends so I decided to tie up the mess in one fell swoop and let it die a natural death. So first, I visited their Twitter and dropped this message.
Next, I did my homework and got the email address of Herbert Wigwe himself, then I put my writing skills to use and sent them (Customer service) the email below putting Herbert and CBN in copy because I do not negotiate with goats. I ensured the email title will get attention required. Lastly, I did a live chat with an agent from their bank and saved the transcript for reference purposes.
I sent this mail on 13th May at 9:52am ,by 11:06am my $20 had been refunded . This came after i had missed a call from them about 10:30 am. Then came the barrage of calls from 5 different people in Access Bank begging me not to be angry. I sat there like the don receiving the calls from all over and then I put on my foneh and no-nonsense tone . Whenever I pick the calls, I go “Yes, this is she, how may I help you”. I allow them to talk and say “Oh, that’s okay now Tope” or whoever happened to be calling at the time.
Early on 14th May, I got another call from them still apologizing to me. To conclude, exactly 1pm on the same day, my card was brought to me in the comfort of my office at no charge at all .This means my card fee was also refunded and i still got the card. The lady that brought it said “Madam, whenever you have other issues, just call me ma, add me on Whatsapp” , which means they don’t want me to send any further emails,lol.
I was genuinely disgusted by how an issue i had been chasing for months was resolved in hours.It took me going over everyone’s head and ridiculing their “globalness” before they took action. I mean this thing is someone or several people’s JD and yet zero. Herbert must have been hurt at that snide petty remark, lmaoo.
The moral of my experience is that the Nigerian system will want to stress you. What you need to do mostly is to fry the madness you have been served, dish it with a side of pettiness and serve the server. There are some co-workers we have that will never do what they are meant to do unless you put their boss in copy of an email because they are silly. Abroad people that may want to come back, can you see the kind of thing I waste my diction on? Take a stand against uselessness today, dears. Stay abroad!!!
The moral of my experience is that the Nigerian system will want to stress you. What you need to do mostly is to fry the madness you have been served, dish it with a side of pettiness and serve the server
One of my absolute favorite things to do is mailing organisations that move mad, my brother usually consults me to help him compose emails, I derive too much pleasure from doing it, lol. If you need help to let people they are mad via email, please send me a mail, i will handle it for free.
Until another person tries me, stay blessed and eat amala regularly.
PS:I got another call at 1:30pm on 15th May wanting to be sure my card was delivered and that i am generally okay with their services.
LMAO.
PPS: This same Access Bank, just look at what they turned this young man into.You know it must be real bad when he speaks in a foreign language.God safe us .
This Post Has 12 Comments
How can a bank official tell you they don’t know where your atm cars is? Is it not their job to look for the card or refer you to a department that can find out what’s going? What did they expect you to do? Ask Google or consult the oracle to find your card? They should be the one following up with you to ensure that you have received your card, cuz am sure there are people employed for these purposes or so they say.
This kind of issue, shouldn’t even warrant going to the bank, a simple phone call should suffice, and the problem would be solved, but God help our Nigerian system, what annoys me is that people keep saying Nigerian system is messed up, but we, the people make up the system, if we don’t let it work, it won’t work.
What they eventually did to solve Femi’s card issue should have been done initially, not an aftermath of the email, but naija, not until you harass and threaten, they won’t budge. You are even lucky this is not a government institution because those ones dont react to threat or anything, you have to appease to them like gods. May God help us!
Honestly ,you have said it all.Imagine the way i was begging them on Twitter to do their jobs!!!
Nigeria is exhausting to be very honest ,you fight for everything to get done ,every thing!!
That is why so many people are always irritable and angry .So vexed.
“What you need to do mostly is to fry the madness you have been served, dish it with a side of pettiness and serve the server.”
ADVICE TAKEN??
Lmao.Good good .
Was it the MD in copy?
Or the CBN in copy?
Or the fried madness served in the mail? that did the wonders
It must have been the MD ,and maybe CBN too.
Wawwuu, I’ve always known you to be mad Sha ???. All these banks and their foolishness, I need to do this with GTbank one day, please I will be needing your services. Please are you going to eventually close the account so that it can spin them finish, you know, add more pepper to the already peppery stew ???
Do you have a broadcast list? Add me up please. I like your style of writing.
About access bank and the Nigerian system generally, I really don’t get why they derive pleasure in frustrating people. It’s same with universities and lecturers taking pride in having a high rate of failure. It’s like your system is not working unless it’s NOT WORKING. You know from your IG stories that me I like to rant, so I won’t rant on here. Hehe. Naija Dey weak person sha. It’s sad
Thank you.I do not have a broadcast link ,to be honest i do not even know what that means but you can sign up to receive new posts alert on the blog
Oshe email consultant. I’ll reach out when I want to spread shoulder small.
Anyways send me small dollars. Please dear.
Femi! ???? there are too many things in this post making me ROTFL…..Please henceforth i would be consulting you on mails in this regard…awon ti won move mad.. please let me go and eat my amala in peace!
Leeemaaaaooooooo. But a lot is to be said about organizations sha. God safe us.