This is a full blown rant, approach with caution. First of all, I am vext and I shall tell thee why. This year is the year like 70% of my friends turn 30 so it has been all sorts of getting together to surprise friends year and all that jazz. Two of my close male friends who happen to be married will also be turning 30 shortly and I know how they both invested a lot of their time and money in ensuring I had a fab 30th party in January. I was subconsciously already planning something nice I will get them both when it occurred to me these people are not single o.
I decided to get the opinion of my IG fam on the policy associated with giving birthday gifts to your friends of the opposite sex who is in a relationship, be it marriage or a relationship. To my not so great surprise, about 90% of the women that replied me were all up in arms in my DM talmabout why will you be giving another woman’s man a gift. The men also true to their nature were like “Femi, you better bring my gift and don’t let me slap you”, lol.
So sisters, you are saying your man cannot get a BIRTHDAY gift from his friend just because he is now joined at the hip with you. I thought we all agreed that it is a relationship and not a prison. What manner of distrust has us women thinking taking a BIRTHDAY gift is the genesis of cheating? On your birthday, it is about you, on his birthday too, it will be almost be about you, hian, can the poor man breathe. I mean it is HIS birthday, can the man live?? You want him to turn down actual gift in exchange for you who might possibly package yourself as the gift?
On this table are the people who start forbidding their partner’s friendships all around once a relationship starts. Tope, I don’t know who you think you are but I am not leaving friends who have been with me through thick and thin just to make you feel less insecure. In my opinion, any relationship that begins to make you “select” friends based on your partner’s preferences should go in the bin, those ones never end well anyway. If your partner tells you a relationship with his/her friend is purely platonic and you still doubt them, maybe you should pick a partner you can actually trust and save yourself the detective classes. I don’t know if people don’t get bored because I do not understand breathing same oxygen as your partner 24/7. I want to go on but my free ride just called me and i have to go battle Lagos traffic now.
Please note I am all for respecting people’s boundaries whether married or not so that really is not the factor i am considering here. This post looks like it is targeted more at the female partners and it is because they were the only ones who kicked vehemently against it.
Please let me hear your opinions on this birthday gift issue,I may be crying more than the bereaved. Maybe married/relationship people don’t actually want gifts that is not from their lovers too.
P.S: My friend sent my 30th birthday gift through his girlfriend to me this month and she was the sweetest girl on the phone ,she even offered to bring it closer to my location.
P.P.S: Dear married friends of mine, look at God. Now i don’t have to get y’all anything for your birthdays. This scheme is better than piggy bank savings .
This Post Has 25 Comments
Me I’m just looking at you sha. You better buy than my gift and package it as anonymous. Lol
Excuse me sir, the jury has said you are married and as such, all i will be sending you is love and light.Doxology
???. Write miss anonymous on the package
How will the men not want gift, afterall most of them believe there is no big deal in a lot of things until they are given a taste of their own medicine. It is sweet until their partner start receiving gift from ‘platonic’ guys. But what do I even know…chop the life of your head, give gifts and receive giftssss.
I have typed your response like 3 times and deleted it .
I will just say LOL instead .
My birthday is in November, you have a lot of time to save up for my gift. I like shoes, sneakers actually. Gucci Sneakers, not the ugly ass ones o. That white one with the correct Gucci logo (not butterfly or cockroach or lion or snake o). Thank you in advance.
Lmaooo Niyi ,i think you did not get the memo.We aren’t buying things for married men no more.Your ladies said no ,so NO it is.I will send you love and light instead .
Thank you for always reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
I’m not surprised that most of those against it are women. A lot of us need to change our orientation about these things and we’ll see how life becomes a lot easier and fun. Kindly post some of the reasons they gave, maybe, just maybe I’ll understand where they’re coming from. Basically, ko make sense at all
So some said and i quote “how will you feel if someone is giving your husband gift every time” ,I said it’s not every time ,it is just on his birthdays and she said birthdays are every year so there goes that ,lol.
Another person said she just does not think anyone else should be gifting her man but her.
I think someone also said that’s how it starts and by “that,I assumes she means cheating.
Hi, I don’t think it is a problem with gifting friends of opposite sex that are in relationships. However, the gift shouldn’t be anything like underwear, sleep wear, cologne, jewelry etc. In my opinion that is just going too far .
Please femi….my birthday is in October.
She’s understanding and she trust me. Let me not see my gift first
Lol ,i know her so that is your only saving grace ,I shall be saving up for you.
You know i have shares in that relationship so i know ,we good.
In my own little opinion
I dont quite agree, it is okay to gift your married friends on their birthday, there’s absolutely nothing bad in it as long as there’s trust. However when your partner start complaining about your friendship with an opposite sex, it is better to withdraw, he or she is seeing something you ain’t seeing
To you , you guys are just ‘platonic* friends but something else might be going on that is not sitting down well with your spouse. #myopinion
I see your point ,fair enough to withdraw to avoid trouble .The bottom line for me remains that if your partner does not trust you when you say there is nothing more ,maybe the whole relationship should be re-evaluated,trust should be the one thing one should not compromise on ,in my opinion.
Thanks for reading and sharing your opinion.
Hahaha,
Aunty Femi, we needs to be very careful with these things oooo. I didn’t know this was a rule until I received a silent call (the one where you pick up and the caller is just breathing into your ear) one early morning like that.
Me:Remembers every horror movie I ever saw, mentally runs through all the people i might have offended or insulted recently…
Then I received another call and it was the wife of a friend, that I once gave Egusi soup to in the abroad. I SWEAR IT WAS JUST AN ACT OF KINDNESS???. But what did I get in return? Insults from an ***** wife???. Did I mention the call came about 6 months after the egusi was gifted.
Please gift carefully ooo, particularly avoid gifting egusi soup or any soup for that matter and always look very carefully at the kind of bag you put the gift in.
No further comment.
Lmaooooooo ,you cooked egusi soup for another woman’s man . You should be happy they didn’t call boys to beat you up.Women don’t joke with their men as you can see .Looks like only men don’t care either way from the responses.
In any case, this instance is birthday gifting which both men and women are entitled to but apparently only women think they can get birthday presents .
I will be careful as advised before someone will pour water on me .
You say??????
I just read this now and in my opinion o, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a BIRTHDAY gift, but any other act of kindness like the egusi soup?? It must be for the two borrofus !!!?
I agree with you on the egusi one. Plus I have not even finished cooking for myself, I don’t have power to cook for another woman’s girlfriend.
First of all, many marriages lack trust. My friend’s husband recently installed CCTV in their sitting room because he felt when he is out on job duties, his wife brings male friends under ‘home business excuse’. This was the projected lies he gave to people who asked. But the real reason was that he had offended his wife in a matter that wasn’t called for and the wife had moved to the guest room. So he wasn’t going to say ‘sorry’ and he wasn’t getting s*x. So he thinks if she isn’t giving it to me, someone else is giving it to her. And I have to catch her red handed on Camera. If the guy can’t trust his wife to that level how can the wife not blink when he receives gifts from female friends. Your intentions as an opposite gender friend is not the problem. Most guys just slap the generosity on their wives and make them incompetent at showering love like their ‘ordinary’ female friend did. No one wants to feel like that in their marital home.
On the other hand, if from day one of the marriage, both of them declared all their friends and share each other’s friends. There won’t be a problem. I know all my husband’s friends and they are my friends too. So a gift from his friends is a gift from our friends. Why wouldn’t he receive it, why the anonymity.
Dear married women, take a chill pill and enjoy your marriage. Don’t allow insecurity and jealousy to kill your marriage before it actually dies. Grow up, get an hubby and stay sexy for you Gee! Let your home be the only place he can get wifi. Improve the communication skills in your home by nagging and judging him less. ?
I agree with Moji. I think you, as d female friend have to incorporate the wife of your male friend into the friendship zone. Make her comfortable with you. You don’t want the gift to destroy what God joined.
Recall, twas d platonic male friend of Eve, the serpent, that offered a harmless gift. Couples SHOULD watch out for each other.
Plus you could get a gift they’ll both enjoy eg his&hers shirts, sunglasses, sprays etc that fit into your budget.
Trust BTW a couple is sensitive in the first five years of marriage. You’re not sure what game your partner may pull out. Its perfectly feminine to protect your “territory”.
Thank you Moji. First of all, what kind of man child is that CCTV guy,I hope he grows up soon. And yes i totally agree with some men not using wisdom in showing off the gifts but also if you are cool with the person giving the gift ,it should even motivate you more to think outside the box.
And thank you for the last word of advice about insecurity and jealousy,those things ruin a relationship faster than infidelity does.
If you’re my husband’s friend I should know you and we should have a level of relationship. But if I don’t know you and I see the gift, I won’t fight him or you, Ild just take the gift and use it if I can or sell it if I can’t use it or gift it to someone else but he won’t use it??
If you’re my husband’s friend I should know you and we should have a level of relationship. But if I don’t know you and I see the gift, I won’t fight him or you, Ild just take the gift and use it if I can or sell it if I can’t use it or gift it to someone else but he won’t use it??
Lmaooo.You will not know all your husband’s friends you know,especially now that we are all still young. Using the gift is a by far better option than throwing it out in my opinion.Again i have to stress that it is a milestone birthday gift and not a gift just because .