The One Where “Because of Man…”

This one ehn, if you are my close friend you may have heard about it. If you have not, then today is your lucky day.

Sometime ago, my sister used my picture as DP and her friend said he will like me to meet his nephew. Long story short I started talking to this “bros” who happened to live in Jookay. This was in 2015 or thereabouts.

Jookay is UK by the way, in case you were wondering.
At the beginning, our conversations were very sparse as he was always busy. The time he was available to talk was never convenient for me and vice versa. The whole thing pretty much fizzled quickly. After several months of not even talking, this uncle comes from nowhere and starts talking to me again, calling, making out time to even have conversations etc.

I knew something was up, and I pointed it out. He denied saying oh he is just free now and making out time for the important things bla bla bla yada yada. 

One day he mentioned he will be coming to Nigeria because his sister will be getting married. I lol’d because ‘I been knew‘ his recent friendliness was shady. He invited me, it will be an opportunity for us to see and me meet his folks bla bla bla. I agreed to go eventually, when everyone said oh Femi you need to get out of your comfort zone sometimes, make an effort yen yen yen .

Here is the real gist!!! Now the area this wedding was to hold at, was somewhere after Egbeda.

If I was in my right senses I should have sat in my house after hearing Shasha Akowonjo. I told this Uncle that I live in Ajah, I do not drive and there is no way on earth I am going to cross 3MB just to eat jollof rice. Then I tried to chicken out after people told me Akowonjo is so far that I can actually stroll to Seme border from there if I am not too tired. He told me to take Uber and promised to pay.

I had checked the price estimate several times and the maximum was about N7500 and it was well within my means then to pay that comfortably. Fast forward to two days before the wedding, a deadly fuel scarcity hit Lagos.

On the day of the wedding, I begged my friend F, to follow me as per I don’t even know anyone at the wedding. I called Uber and we were on our merry way. The fuel scarcity was crazy and traffic was mad. I was worried the price would have reached almost N9000 now and I voiced it out to the Uber driver. The guy, good-naturedly said it may not be too bad. He said he hopes I did not request the ride at ‘surge price’. I flippantly mentioned that I saw one surge thing at a rate of 2.5 but I didn’t know what it meant and I paid it no mind.

The driver exclaimed and then explained to me that it meant my fare will be multiplied by the surge rate. My quick math brought the price to about N18,000. 

Dearly beloved, at that instant, the saliva dried in my mouth. I began to sweat inside the AC and requested the Uber to drop me right on 3MB. Uber was still really good then, the driver refused to drop me and said he is mandated to drop me at a safe place.

I said “my friend, is it your safety??? I am already unsafe as we speak.”

I calculated the times we had spent in traffic, I knew I will be pushing a clean N20,000 and I was still on 3MB. Eventually the man dropped us off at Ikeja City Mall and I was there just shaking like a leaf for minutes, waiting for the Uber receipt to be generated and sent to my email after we alighted.

The receipt came and I think it was 21,380 or so. I can not remember the exact numbers after the 21. I have also searched all my Uber archives but can not seem to find the receipt.
I had spent 21,000, I was still in Ikeja and was going to Akowonjo… to see man.

To be continued…