The one about extreme confusing confusion

As a Nigerian that recently immigrated to Canada, there are certain things I have come in contact with as a result of the new culture I am integrating into that my brain has refused to understand. These are not foreign concepts to me in the sense that some of them I have read or seen in books or movies but just never had to live it.

My aim is that writing this will help me get the help that I need in understanding this rocket science concepts (yes, I do believe some of these things are as difficult as rocket science).

Cardinal Points/Direction – Naturally, this has to be first on my list because everyone in Canada choose to speak like they are Geographers. The famous North, East, South and West. You see, where I come from we do not use those cardinal points as a basic means of direction. We will typically say left or right and that is very easy because there is scarcely anyone who cannot figure that out. I landed in Canada and discovered that everywhere is being navigated like we are in a matrix. My understanding was that the North is always ahead of me as per the compass drawing but apparently it is static and not based in fact on where I was facing.

When people ask me where I live and I mention it, they further confuse me by asking if that is north or west of Toronto. ‘Sir, I do not know where the tail or head of Toronto is but I do know where I live‘. To further complicate things, some people have magnanimously tried to help me make sense of it. They say “oh you know where the water front is, you face right and this is North, turn your back on it and that is East“. M’am??? Congratulations, you just confused me more.

Public transportation navigation falls under the unnecessary hardship I faced as a newbie. There are buses with the same numbers but headed in opposite directions hence northbound and southbound as the case may be. There were so many times I got on the wrong bus that was going the opposite of where I should be headed just because my Geography did not kick in. Why can’t the buses just have different names based on the areas the route they ply?

Back in Lagos, direction is very easy. The 3rd Mainland bridge is our very easy navigator. We know everyone on one side of the bridge is on the island while the people on the other side are on the mainland. I have tried to use that sense in Toronto but it is hard still because they do not have an Obalende or Yaba which is focal to understanding navigation in any city. On this note, if anyone can help me figure this out, I am open to taking classes.

Distance in blocks – I do not take the blame for this one. I find it hard to understand when someone says to me “it is 5 blocks away”. Here is my challenge, what is a block? Is it 2 streets over, is it 2 houses, is it an area? WHAT IS A BLOCK? What I know in my country is streets and roads and junctions. I literally have no clue what I would measure a block by. However, this looks like it won’t be as difficult as the north and east so I am very open to someone explaining this to me like a baby.

Distance in meters – Thankfully, this has now been resolved. Prior to COVID-19 shutdown, I could not tell how many minutes it took to walk a kilometre. I started taking a walk round my estate to keep fit and in no time, I was able to figure out that it takes me 12 minutes and 40 seconds to walk 1km and 13 minutes if I was being slow. This has since come in handy because now I know if someone tells me a 3km is a “short walk”, I know they are after my life and it is my responsibility to flee and save myself.

Temperature measurement – Let us talk about Celsius and Farenheit. Logically, it makes sense that when the weather is cold, the temperature is closer to 0 degree which is the point where water freezes. It also makes sense then if someone tells me the weather is -1 degree, it means it is freezing at this point. Thus the further you move away from 0, the warmer it gets. Farenheit users beg to disagree because somehow it makes sense for water to freeze at 32F. This just sounds like a random number that someone pulled out of a hat, I won’t be elaborating further on how ridiculous this sounds. If someone tells me randomly in a conversation that the temperature is 65F, my brain scrambles immediately;”is that good weather, is it cold or warm, what is it???”. What it is really is unnecessary stress. My recommendation to everyone who wants to save brain energy is to use the good and trusted celsius. Thankfully, this has more of an American than Canadian usage.

Date Format – I cannot be convinced that putting the month in between the date and year is logical. Take a look at this – “mm-dd-yyyy”. The rest of the world knows and supports that day leads into months and that into years, thus it makes sense that we should write the date as such. Imagine the mental gymnastics I have to do every time I need to date a document, wondering if I might be dating in in the past or future. I was chatting with my manager at work one time about this and he asked me if someone asked for my birthday what my response will be. I said my response will be that my birthday is 20th January and the look on his face was priceless. He says that did not make sense because his response will be January 20, putting the month before the date. He almost had me convinced, but I caught myself just in time, I will not be dining with the devil on this.

There are more things that still confuse me like filing taxes but I am too confused to even write out my thoughts on it. My friends who are accountants explain to me at least 3 times a year and I understand it in the moment. Once I leave the area where knowledge was imparted, it appears my brain drops off the knowledge in the location and just moves on with life. Shoutout to all my friends who do not get tired of teaching me all over again when the need arises.

Anyway, that is all from me for now. Which of the above can you relate with and please share some of yours with me in the comment section. I suspect there are more things that confuse me than I was able to capture in this post.

PS: Here is an extra one, I still do not understand why the sales tax prices cannot be included in the cost of an item. Mentally, I am more likely to buy a pen for $3 than buy a pen for $2 with an extra $1 sales tax on it. Get it?