Heyoooooo, it’s Sean Kingston. I have been meaning to use that since I re-discovered Sean’s music a few months ago. His music was lit and I wonder where and what he is doing now. How have you guys been? I know life is gradually starting in most cities, I hope you are safe and wearing your masks religiously.
It has been a while and I apologise to you and to myself for not keeping to my goal of putting out a post every fortnight. One of my friends reached out to me on 25th June to ask why I had not put out any new post in a while. I told her I had just not felt like writing for some time now. She was genuinely concerned, and I am sure she thought I had bigger issues to deal with. The truth is I was just being lazy plus I had recently discovered the world of Korean drama series and I am currently lost in their beautiful make-believe world of romance. It is a very good escape for the moment seeing as there is so much depressing news all around the world.
The very brief conversation with my friend had me thinking about friendship. For the most part, my friends have supported and read my blog posts time and again. On the other hand, are some close friends who I am almost certain have never opened a link to my blog to read before. I am sure if someone asked them if I had a blog their first response would probably be No before they remember.
I had wanted to write about friendship and support for the longest time and this exchange with my friend has finally spurred me to do it. I am curious as to what the acceptable level of support from friends regarding the activities of other friends should be. I have run a personal shopping business for about 8 years now and I have friends who have never patronized me. I even had an acquaintance once tell me she prefers not to buy from me. I was hurt but I moved on because ultimately not everyone is going to patronize me, it just happened that I knew one of them.
This may sound sad, but I also have tons of amazing friends. For the longest time, the bulk of my customers were friends and colleagues at work. They in turn referred us to their family and other friends and we grew. When I started this blog post, the support from majority of my friends was really overwhelming, they posted and shared with friend, dropped comments and generally just hyped me, it was the best feeling ever.
I was a bit resentful towards my friends that would not buy from me in the early days but thank goodness for emotional growth. I have come to realize that friends do not necessarily have to support EVERYTHING that you do to prove their love. The thing/project/hobby you are doing may not just be their cup of tea. On the other hand, I wonder if friendship should be about absolute support whether it is your cup of tea or not. I have friends that have never opened my blog but if I call on them for anything at all, I am almost certain they will be there for me. I think that should be enough. It is unrealistic of me to expect support absolutely without a regard for the preferences and opinions of said friends. This is my stance at the moment for the stage where I am at, this opinion of mine can be changed by certain variables I did not even consider in the future.
There is also the matter of supporting your friends’ decisions no matter how you feel about it. If you have a friend that chooses to stay in a bad relationship for example, is the friendly thing to do support them or stand your ground in a way to get them to see they are making bad decisions? These are some questions I typically ask myself and I almost never know if I am being a good friend by talking or keeping quiet.
Adult friendships are very tricky and complicated sometimes. You really do not want to be the needy one or the one that does not put in equal efforts. I have learnt now to take whatever people are able to offer of themselves when it comes to friendship because it is not easy. I am such a friendship lover; I carry my friends on my head every chance I get but this also does not mean I have not messed up before when it comes to showing support. I absolutely hate going to events at distant places but I have had to do it for friends and I do not mind because these same friends have loved me in so many other ways that count. So, if you don’t support things that mean a lot to me, I will be okay because I have probably not taken seriously something that meant a lot to you as well.
I hope though, that we are able to love our friends in the way that means the most to them. People are peculiar and what makes them tick are also unique. I wish and pray that we all get to be friends with people that will let us know continually how colorful their world is because we are in it.
Please share your thoughts with me on friendship and support. I will like to learn from you how you keep your relationship healthy, loving and supporting.
P.S: This post is dedicated to Yinka and Segun, thank you guys for reminding me about the kind of wholesome friendship that supports and encourages. Thank you for reading my posts and encouraging me to keep writing. Kizzez
P.P.S: If you partonise your friends businesses, please pay them for services rendered as at when due, there is no greater love than credit alert.
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Hello. And Bye.
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Hi and Goodbye
Why is the website details a part of the leave a reply form? I’m sha curious. Anyways! In my mind I removed Yinka and Segun’s name and put mine ???… tanks for the dedication ❤️❤️❤️
LMAO. Feel free to add your name on the wall of fame. You are welcome
Adult friendship is really a tricky thing. Expectation can be a killer. You never know what people are going through or how they view certain things. Human beings are complex abeg just do what you can.
Very tricky. We should try to be considerate as much as we can but at the end of the day, take what is offered and keep it moving.
While I’ve been the friend that has messed up a number of times (read many), I’m also one that knows the value of support. Sometimes I’m supporting my friends in my mind, but I might realise late that that’s not what they need as support.
These days, I give excuses for my friends when I don’t feel their support because I have also realised that I have messed up in that area.
Having said that, I think that we always have to be intentional in supporting our friends, even if it’s to engage on their social media posts, share their posts, and (if you can) patronise their businesses. When your friend is organising a program, share the flier online. It’s not just about sending a dm. However, I cannot deny that nice and uplifting words are also some form of support, it just should be added to other kinds of support.
Thanks for reading Adelola. The last part of your comment is everything. We have to be intentional although it is not the easiest thing to do when people have so many commitments but that support always goes a long way. I pray God helps us to do better.
In these times, making and keeping good friends is hard hence I cherish the ones I currently have. I like the Yoruba adage that says ‘mowa f’oniwa ni m’ore pe’. This means when you know your friends and accept their behaviours, your friendship will last. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to help them to improve on some habits, this should be done out of love and understanding, not out of judgement.
Thanks Yetunde. There is always room for a change of habit as you said but to accept them as they are is to know peace.
Yaayyy!! I got a shallout????. For me at a point in my life a had whole lot of friends, I reached a point where I think i started to see life differently and growth kind of changed my mindset so I ended up growing apart from those ones and God blessed me with some new ones. The kind of friends I don’t want to have are the ones that we don’t talk for long and when we do I’m hearing “nawa for you, you can’t call somebody, you didn’t shekinikan. I’m glad that I only have few friends and the lot love me because they understand me. I don’t necessarily keep in touch daily and but when we talk, we will taaalllllkkkk and then I like to think I’m a supportive friend and encourager.
You see that bit about business, it’s really true, I have a business too and some my dearest friends have never patronized, but I don’t take it to heart because I guess it’s not really stuff they are into, when they do need it I def know they will reach out. I dont like to be judgemental too. What I give is what I believe I want to get. So il say be to your friends what you want them to be to you. ??
Hi, I’ve had this friendship thingy in my mind for a while … honestly sometimes it can be hard to give ? support to our friends, that I’ve come to realize recently . But, however you can support your friends, I think we shouldn’t hold back , it always mean a lot .
I look forward to enjoying my friendship with my friends and also growing together, to understand little things and also be intentional in everything.
Welcome back to blogging ?
This is one area that I am still learning and growing at. I feel I don’t ever give enough in relationships and often have this “user” feeling when I haven’t checked on a “friend” in a while only to realise that I need some assistance of theirs and then I hit them up.
I’ll chose to just talk about my end (that’s the part I know; I don’t know how my “friends” truly feel). I really don’t know if I am good at making friends or if I generally draw up a line at the acquaintance or colleague bus-stop.
Do I buy to support my friends? No. I’m buying for my needs’ and tastes’ sake and not for support’s sake
Do I buy to support my friends? Yes. If they have what I need and like, then they are my first option.
This is probably the same way I would treat any vendor. So am I really buying because such person is my friend? Or the buying still has “Me” as the focus. Shouldn’t friendship be about sacrifice? Where’s the sacrifice when I’m the background, foreground and main subject?
This is why I don’t feel sad when my “friends” don’t patronise me…..I just assume they went for what satisfied them. I usually take it to mean that my services aren’t up to the quality/standard they were looking for…so it spurs me to improve on what I provide. See what I did there again….the focus is still ME!
But you see that guilty feeling of “This person you are about to text now, you haven’t called/sent a text to him/her in years…you are doing this because of what you need” always creeps up. I’ve never really been able to fight it. I just think I can’t keep up with everyone. Or Maybe I’m just busy.
I deserve the “World’s worst friend” award. Bite me!
Good friends are a key factor in maintaining a healthy life. I miss my friends back in Nigeria so much, but thank God for wuzup and other social media mediums to keep in touch. Asper the business or venture support, omo, take the one you see o. What I’ve even come to realise is that you get the most support from people you don’t even know so much. It’s just funny.
For a while I used my friends support /lack thereof as an indicator of the kind of person or friend I was. If A is supportive to me, then it implied that I was supportive as well, if B wasn’t, then it meant I wasn’t being a good friend and I tried to improve. But I’ve since learnt that people express support in different ways and since I’m not privy to every detail of what they are experiencing at any moment in time, it’s become easier to take things in stride.
You’ve said it all as regards adult friendships. Well done.
Wait, hope I’m not owing you any more sha.
P.S.: Amala date doesn’t count.
Friendship… I’ve been blessed with the best of them. Friends turned Family.
I try to be the best I can to my friends… I’ve heard things like “they won’t do the same for you”… but I won’t stop being good just to match someone else’s evil… 🙂
That said, having multiple friends while trying to “make ends meet” means, I sometimes go under the raider. So I am grateful to my friends for not holding a grudge… catching up like we haven’t lost a day….
I’m especially grateful for this FRIEND 🙂 a.k.a Amala Connoisseur … don’t come for me! lol
“Adult friendships are very tricky and complicated sometimes.“
Truer words have not been said. They are so hard to maneuver sometimes but equally so essential that you sha have to find your way around them.
God safe us.
Support can indeed be in any kind of form.
The earlier you realize some of your family and friends won’t support you or patronize you the better. This will save one of emotional stress and bitter mind. It’s not as simple as written but that’s the truth
Some people don’t want to mix business with friendship, many other reasons(some genuine , some not ).. so I give excuses for people and that works
Support your friends directly or indirectly, make it a conscious effort , appreciate good work they are doing , advise them how to get better, refer them..
Thanks for reading Rose. Your first line nailed it all and I have no further rejoinders ,loool
Thank you for reading.
Adult friendship is too tricky but I’ll be hurt too if my friends don’t support my venture, they don’t have to buy but it won’t hurt to share because I’ll do the shame for them.
Same – sigh
It won’t hurt to share but some people won’t even do that because it is off brand for them. It is hurtful but ultimately I realised my business won’t be everyone’s cup of tea so I rest in that knowledge. Thanks for reading.