The one about music, art and friends.

Hi guys, how have you been? Hope you have gotten yourself in the mood for the most wonderful time of the year. Christmas and the end of the year activities generally has a way of making me forget momentarily about life’s woes and concentrate on the good things, good tidings as it is said. Listening to carols are one of my highlights of this time of the year. I am a sucker for good music and I appreciate the fact that carols are consistent and warm, like a big hug from your favourite person.

Speaking about music, Nigerian artistes have been generous to us with great music this year and I love to see it. One of my favourite songs at the moment is by Johnny Drille titled “How are you my friend”. It is very unlikely you have not listened to it but should this be the case, please listen to it here. I love this version the most because of Don Jazzy’s touch. Anyone that knows me closely already knows wholesome friendships is one of the hills I am willing to die on. In fact, I have been told I have way more friends than I can possibly handle. This may be true but somehow I try to make it work, I hope my friends feel I do my best and I am not deceiving myself.

The above is why I decided to share a few of the things we can do to make adult friendships as healthy as we possibly can with everyone’s very busy schedule. Most of these things I already do while some I am looking to do more consciously as much as I can.

Pray for them – At the risk of sounding like a cliche, prayer is indeed the master key. I always pray for my friends. I do not pray for everyone at every time obviously but if I am aware of anyone going through a hard time, I make it a point to mention their name in my prayers and specify their areas of trouble. When I do not know of any personal prayer points, I still make it a point of duty to pray generally for everyone I call friend. Prayer is free and costs us nothing. I was raised as an Adventist and one of the hymns that I love has lyrics that I have paraphrased here – “I need the prayers of those I love, I want my friends to pray for me, to intercede with God for me…“

Show up for them – People have things that mean a lot to them. There are high maintenance friendships obviously but I do not think anything beats showing up for people on things that matter to them. If your friend has a business, patronise them; applying to a graduate program, encourage them; doing a career switch that is tough, stand by them. Adulthood means we cannot possibly be there in person every time we are needed but a simple – “Hi babe, I know you have your thing today and I am rooting for you” – absolutely makes all the difference. I personally like to hype up my friends on social media, giving them their flowers while they can still smell it. Alternatively, I have friends that do not like public display of affection and I keep it at a minimum for those. Pretty much, love on your friends the way they want to be loved.

Understand them– I struggle with this still. Everyone has different quirks that makes them who they are. They can be annoying and there is an adage in my dialect that loosely translates to mean that knowing one’s friend’s behaviour and accepting them for it is how friendships thrive. This is not to mean that we should tolerate badly behaved adults under the guise of friendship, this is a whole other parallel discussion. If your friend does not like to do a particular thing with you because it is just not their vibe, trying to understand can be a challenge but doing so gives me a lot of peace personally.

Believe in them– All I am saying here is remind them of who they are. There are some friends who had their breakthrough because their other friends believed in them. I never would have started a blog without my friends always telling me I could do it. One of my friends took the pains to design my blog, set it up, teach me what to do and also occasionally troubleshoot for me. When I am not feeling at the top of my game and I speak to him, he reminds me that I am a good writer and additionally encourages me to do bigger things with it. Essentially, when your friends forget who they are, it behoves you to remind them they are all that and more. This also applies to when the truth can be uncomfortable to say, I have always been pro tough love but over time I have learnt that it is better to be kind than to be right.

Hook them up – I do not mean this in the raunchy way, get your mind out of the gutter, lol. I mean connect them with good opportunities. If you learn of something that may potentially benefit them, please intimate them of it. There are vacancies in your work place that you know they are qualified, please refer them for the roles. Business opportunities that they are qualified to execute, link them up. You can also introduce them to their potential lovers, yes to that too.

I could go on and on but the list is inexhaustible. We all like to pretend that true friends will stay with us no matter what comes but that’s a lie. You will lose a good person if you don’t actively try to keep them in your life. It’s even more difficult being a friend when there are so many things demanding our attention every day. However, here’s our reminder to be intentional with our friends. We should tell them we love them both in words and action. We should not tell their business to other people, we should pick up their phone calls even when it might be a bit inconvenient, we should remember days that matter to them, hold their hands when they mourn and dance like crazy when they’re rejoicing.

No one is an island, everyone needs a tribe. I hope you never lose yours if you already found it and if you haven’t, I hope you attract the kind of friends that puts a beauty to the definition of the word.

This post is dedicated to my friends. Friends that pray for me, call me occasionally to inquire about my welfare, call me out on my bad behaviour, rate me enough to share intimate parts of their lives with me, trust me with their hearts. I love you guys so much and I am grateful to have you in my corner. My life is colourful because I get to call you my homie.

What tips do you have to share on how you keep your friendships going as an adult? Kindly share in the comments so we can all learn from you. Also share some genuine acts of friendship you have experienced in the past that made you grateful to have friends. Mine is that since I moved to a new country, I have been staying with my friend who has never for a day made me feel like a burden. It takes a lot of grace to have someone in your space for so long, a jobless someone for that matter. It humbles me and also gladdens my heart to have such a gem in my life.

Till I find the will power to write again; love, light and amala ?.

PS: After all has been said and done, friendships inevitably end. Do not over estimate your importance in other people’s lives. It is a two way street. Know when to leave.