It’s 4.14am today, April 13 and I am tired of thinking sleep is the escape I need from the reality of what today means to me and my family. I decided instead to write out my emotions. Writing has always been my outlet.
My life up till date has been divided into two distinct parts; life before September 23, 2023 and life after then. That was the day I got the tragic news of my sister’s passing and something changed in me forever since then. I don’t know what it is but I feel it everyday I take a breath or look in the mirror.
Life after September 23 has come with a lot of firsts. The first Christmas without my sister, the first new year without her, the first Easter without her and so many more. However, today’s first is the most significant of them all; the first posthumous birthday of my sister.
See, she has always been different from birth. While the rest of us siblings had our birthdays in December and January (in a very close cluster of days), she was distinctly in April, like a rebel. It was as though even from birth, she wanted everyone to know she will never conform. Till she took her last breath, Olajumoke Akangbe didn’t for a minute conform to anyone’s expectations or beliefs of how she should live. She lived life on her terms every single day and dared anyone (even us) to tell her otherwise.
My sister loved partying but no day came close to birthdays for her. She loved her birthday so much and she would always look for one grand thing to do with her friends or family depending on who is available. This is how I know that even though she’s not here present to celebrate this day, if there’s an afterlife, she is definitely celebrating there as we read. She will make everyone sing to her, after her photoshoot of course and then we must all groove to some nice Adekunle Gold music and toast with red wine.
To celebrate my sister, I am going to ensure I do all of the above today because that’s what she would have done if she was here and that’s how she would have wanted to be remembered.
I have been wanting to write about my sister for a while but I never got through the first few lines before my laptop gets soaked with tears. Today, I cried still but I made it happen, I pushed out the words so that it’s out there somewhere permanently how much I love and miss my sister; her jokes, her bants, her temper, our fights, her annoying dance steps and her amazing meals.
I had no idea how much my sister touched my life till she passed on and I blame myself everyday for not telling her enough how much she meant to me.
Happy birthday, egbon mi.
We love you, but God loves you most. Keep resting in the bosom of your Savior.
I hope you have a blast in heaven today and that 44 looks good on you in heaven as it would have on earth.
PS: Knowing first hand how very unpredictable and short life is, I hope you live it on your own terms, doing what sparks joy for you. I hope you occasionally take a deep breath, remind yourself you are doing your best, have belly laughs with the ones you love and truly live.
