The one about unusual self-care

It’s been forever and I know. I will be the first to admit to my lack of accountability on the blog posts goals I set for myself this year. Things have been pretty intense and when I finally decided to blog again, I discovered that I didn’t renew my website service subscription and someone bought my domain name. The said person then requested that I buy it back for 400 Queen Elizabeth Pounds! When Tems sang about crazy things happening, my good sister did not tell a single lie. What is important is that I am back like I never left and I intend to do better as a blogger and an adult in smashing my goals, so help me God.

I said earlier that things have been wild and it truly has been. The best thing I did for myself in the past few weeks to deal with all the drama was have a good cry. I had been willing myself to cry for a while but tears did not come. Sometimes, I sit on the bed and think deeply with the hope that I get sad enough to cry, tears eluded me unfortunately. My self acclaimed “hard babe” label was becoming too good to be true.

My mother constantly prays that her children do not have reasons to cry and I do as well. Those prayers were being answered for sure because I still cannot believe it took me almost 1 month to cry about issues that had been and still is bothering me. However, one beautiful day, all it took was just one phone call from someone I did not even know to tip the bucket. I had a good cry and boy, I felt so good afterwards.

As staunch Nigerian Christians or Moslems, I know we have been raised with the perception that tears are bad. Boys and men are told never to cry because it is not manly. However, there is something to be said about how light I (and I hope other people too) feel when I have a good cry and let it all out. I do not consider it as feeling sorry for myself either, overtime I have come to look at it as being in touch with my emotions enough to acknowledge sadness and sit with it. I personally do not think I should be cheerful at all times, that will be a toxic positivity that never serves anyone any good. I hijacked the first google post I saw online that explains toxic positivity, so please read about it here. To paraphrase for people I know won’t click the link, it is the belief that people should remain positive at all times regardless of their circumstances.

To further butress my point, I will pin here, here and here some medical articles that state the benefits of crying when stressed or grieved. If you won’t take my word for it, take Harvard Medical’s and their peers’ word, it has a scientific basis afterall.

When I had my much sought after crying episode, I told one of my friends about it and he was surprised because he has known me since forever and he knows I rarely ever cry even in sticky situations. I told him that I have been crying more often the older I got so maybe this could be an old age thing, who knows?

To conclude, my form of self care going forward is feeling everything and embracing them for what they are with the appropriate emotions that goes hand in hand with them. I am no longer going to quotable quotes my way out of feelings, which is hard because I really detest feeling so many things. I hate feelings so much that I actively do not think about things that hurt me. However, on the road to being a more wholesome human being, I need to make room for the good, the bad and the funny. Yes, belly laughs too are a form of self care, do not be too strung up to laugh your heart out.

I will leave you with one of Ed Sheeran’s songs that has been my favourite since forever, it perfectly captures all I could not put in words, listen to it here. My favourite lyrics from the song are: ” It’s alright to cry, even my dad does sometimes; so don’t wipe your eyes, tears remind you you’re alive”.

Here is wishing that your happy days far outweigh your sad days in this journey of life.

Love, light and amala.

PS: Who missed me? I know I missed me at least. ?

_{Photo by Paola Chaaya on Unsplash}