The one where “because of man…” II

I had spent N21,000.00, I was still in Ikeja and was going to Akowonjo. During the short distance from 3rd mainland bridge to Ikeja City Mall, I informed the bros about the situation, he said to let him know what the bill comes to when I get off at Ikeja. I also reached out to A. A is another friend who lives close to the venue and was supposed to pop in and say hi to bros as well.

Fortunately, she was around Ikeja under bridge when I called her to inform her of the mess I had gotten myself into, she offered to come pick myself and F from the mall to the venue. The only reason I proceeded to still go to the venue of the wedding is because I had sent a screen munch of the receipt to our guy and he said I should not worry. He promised to refund me the amount it cost to bring me to and from the venue when we eventually see
We eventually got to the venue around 5:30pm or so.

I feel the need to pause here and let you all know Akowonjo is not in Lagos.There is no way that place is in this state since I spent almost 5 hours to get there.

Anyway, we got there ,wedding was over, he introduced me to a few people, gave us cold rice etc. I could not even eat because I was already worked up. This kind of defeated my purpose of coming over only for jollof. There were several bottles of wine sha. At about 7pm, the venue was virtually empty so we left to his hotel to stay a while. Bear in mind, I do not think we actually made any reasonable conversation all the while. He brought me 2 shoes and gave us chocolates, he already showed me pictures of them when he bought them before he came to Nigeria so that was not a surprise.

Fast forward to about 9pm and I was ready to leave. I was making more conversation with his best friend than him by the way. We agreed not to use Uber for my return trip to avoid another surge situation. His friend hailed a regular cab for us for the return trip. He gave me a wad of cash as promised and until then did I finally began to breath easy.

We were on our way when F asked if I counted the money he gave me. I told her there was no need to count since I already let him know the amount I spent to get here and he knows how much this return trip will cost.

F said just count it na, shuuu.

Dearly beloved, I counted the cash and it was N10,000.00. The cab we were currently in was going to cost N7,000. It was then I knew I had been emotionally duped. This is yahoo yahoo of the heart . 

I got home around 11pm, I thanked him for the gifts and indirectly mentioned that the Uber fee is still pending. He goes oh yeaaa, he does not have naira with him, he will change the money tomorrow and send it yen yen yen. He later came to my office to see me the following Monday after I prompted to ask what the point of this visit was if we will still not get to seat and talk and know each other better.
 PS: I need to let you all know I was foolish for chasing him. 

Anyway, he comes to my office during the week. Oya Uncle book Uber that will take us to the restaurant we are going to, he tried (or so he tried to try) and it did not work, talmabout UK Uber app was not working in Lagos yen yen. Mumu me, I booked another Uber yet again to take us to the date venue.

I really can not remember what transpired at the date, all I know is I transported myself back home with like another 2500 worth of Uber fees. All I could think about at the date was the most subtle way to ask for my money, that was all I had in my bank account at the time so I was proper broke. When I was leaving, he told me again he will change some pounds and transfer to my bank account .

Well, that was the last time I saw this man or spoke to him. The next time I called him, Uncle said he just boarded “haroplane” to go back to Jukay. This guy did not have the decency to let me know he was even leaving. Then came the issue of how to get my money from him. I did not know how to ask a man for money *insert hot tears here *. My brother-in-law said since I had asked him twice and he did not send it, I should just free him.He said if he is a good person and a responsible adult, he will send it without me having to ask yet again. My friends who knew about it said I should ask him and keep asking till he pays up because onigbese ni bobo yen, lol.

First of all, once he got back to UK ,Uncle went back to replying my messages after 11 hours. He will now reply with one foolish “hi”, after I am sure to have slept off. This was a guy that was actively chasing me with phone calls before he came home. I understand both of our expectations were not met so ultimately we would have had to stop talking like we did before BUT Uncle, can you pay me my money as promised, plis dear?

This dude had the effrontery to tag me on a Bella Naija post that had his sister’s wedding picture. I was screaming internally “does BN know you are  a debtor??” I did not know how to ask for money that was promised to me, that is the kind of rubbish I did not believe I could do in my life.

After about 2 weeks of waiting for my money, I decided to count my losses and move on. I also thought closure was good so I dropped him a message to let him know he is a goat. I let him know the only reason he wanted me at the wedding was so his family could see he is with someone and get off his case. I did not know that then but I did in retrospect. He must have thought those shoes enough payment for my services. As a ranter that I am, I left a long rant and blocked him afterwards. He replied and was trying to yarn one dust but mercifully I already knew I deserved better than listening to his short unreasonable string of words.

About 3 weeks after then, I got an alert of about N21,000.00 with some change. I shouted hurray because finally, shame must have caught Oga for him to send me my money. He did not have any shame. It was not from him.

It was the profit share from the previous company I worked with as a support staff  for 3 months pro rated and sent to me. I was ecstatic because God paid my bills. It covered the Uber charge with about N800 change to spare. I was jubilating when it occurred to  me that this meant that for about 3-4  months, all the work I did and got profit for was for this goat. It meant my whole profitable hours for 4 months was for him. I basically woke up 5am everyday and returned at 9pm for 4 months for this ashy -skinned man. 

Below are the list of people I blame for the mess I got myself into:

• My sister for hooking me up with a goat 
• Nigeria for never getting its act together fuel scarcity wise. I could have been okay with paying N7,000.00 myself without any regrets. 
• My mum for the strict way she brought me up that makes me ashamed to ask a man for money. 
• Uber for not spelling out the exact meaning of “surge” 
• Every other person else I can think of 
• Me (lol, did you think I will blame myself first?) for not seeing through the BS on time, and for allowing someone persuade me to go from Ajah to Akowonjo. It was absolutely ridiculous. 
• Also me, I allowed this trash happen to me, I take all of the blame. 
  

PS: If anyone of you knows this bros, advice him to pray our paths never cross again. I am older, wiser and now I can demand for what has been promised to me in good faith .   

Let him know the below is what he owes me now

Item	Cost (Naira)
Uber to the wedding	21,000.00
Uber to the boring date	1,500.00
50% emotional distress charge	11,250.00
Less wad of cash balance	(3,000.00)
5% VAT	1,537.50
Fuel in A’s car for the last lap of the trip	I dash him that one
TOTAL PAYABLE	32,827.00

All things being equal, I should charge him using the Net Present Value (NPV) formula I learnt in MBA class but I am a good person. Who knew something I learnt in school will ever be put to actual use?

Doxology

PS: Happy Fathers Day to the men that don’t lie and deceive other ladies in a bid to feel good about themselves.You may think you are smart but it says a lot more about your trashy character than the woman’s naivete.

P.P.S: I noticed the dude still follows me on Instagram, maybe I should drop my account number in case he reads this blog and he wants to do restitution, LMAO.